she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
