I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
