There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
