Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize