Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
