If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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