He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
