I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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