Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
