I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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