Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
