In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
