Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
