I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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