Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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