Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
