Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
