how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
