I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
