either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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