I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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