College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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