We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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