Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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