I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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