Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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