So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
