It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
