Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
