I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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