I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no you cant smoke seaweed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
