I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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