I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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