Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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