Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
