i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
