Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
