are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
last night I used snow as a chaser
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