Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
