Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
