there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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