Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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