Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
