I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
