I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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