Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
