By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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