All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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