where am i from again
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
