i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
