Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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