billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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