So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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