is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
