I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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