there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Fuck appropriateness.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
