Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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