im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
