ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
