Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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