I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
