i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
